Awakening
by putu
Summary: The thought of Tōru Adachi after his last battle.


Awakening

The first thing I realized was the light from the police cars blinded me. It was annoying, but that what made me came to my senses. Then, too tired to move my head around, I looked at my surrounding. There were many people. What happened? What's going on? I don't understand.

I was confused. Then I saw people I thought I recognized. Some kids. High school kids. Who was that kid with strange gray hair? I remembered I knew him. He was…

Dojima san's nephew! And suddenly like a flood I remembered everything. Those terrible things. Consumed by my memory, I didn't see anything for a while. But then I looked at him again. He was still looking at me. Then I realized, the other kids looked at me with anger, disgust, or hatred. But that kid…(what was his name? I can't remember) only looked at me as if…. As if nothing is wrong with me, as if he accepted me just for who I am.

He continued looking at me. And I couldn't break my eyes from him. He suddenly whispered, "It's okay. I understand." It was a strange thing. I shouldn't be able to hear it, with all the noise and sirens around me. But his voice could be heard clearly in my ears, and in a moment I felt relaxed. But after that I could feel my tiredness too.

Feeling tired, I closed my eyes. Then I pulled my face to my knees, shielding it with my arms. Just like a position children take when crying. But I didn't feel like crying. I was too tired to feel.

The voice around me got louder. More people came, I supposed. But I didn't care. What would happen of me? I didn't care either. But… "Dojima san said to take care of him. He was his partner after all." I heard someone said that. Dojima san! What would Dojima san thinks of me now? Realizing how absurd it was to care of what would Dojima san think of me, I smiled bitterly. Isn't it strange? We couldn't care less about the world, but if it's about one person…

Ah, I remembered. I had made him suffered a lot. First it was Nana chan. I never meant to hurt Nana chan. I thought they would come to the rescue like always. But it was really close for Nana chan. And then he just gotta hit that Namatame. What an idiotic thing to do. He could have killed himself. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him being dragged to the hospital, all bleeding and messed up. Even now the image of that accident could be portrayed clearly in my mind.

But suddenly the image was replaced by the uni I got when I ate together with him and his family. I knew he let me had that uni. He complained about it, but not really meaning it. It made me smile just to think of it.

….It was fun, actually, the whole thing of being the stupid Adachi. The first time I arrived in this town, it was depressing. There was nothing interesting, no big cases, and I was assigned as a partner aka slave to bossy old man. I thought my life was ruined then. I even thought of ending it. But it turned out to be not so bad after all. At least the life of stupid Adachi is peaceful.

But then it happened. Out of nowhere, I had this power. From the moment I realized I had this power, everything changed. All the anger and grudge rose up from the depth of my heart. I killed people, but I didn't feel guilty at all. I remembered. That time when I threw people inside the TV, and those kids rescued them, all I thought was "interesting." Since when I became such a person?

I raised my head a bit. The scene was still the same. The lights still hurt my eyes. But those kids were already gone. Hmph. I remembered blabbering about everything to those kids, saying things like I joined police force just to get a hold of a gun. That was not the truth. It was a story I made up after those bastards kicked me to this middle of nowhere. I made myself believed it to forget the pain I had back then. The pain of losing a dream of being a great police officer.

But was it really a lie? Or was it the truth hidden behind the idealistic idea I had when I was younger? I don't understand anymore. I wonder. If we believe a lie long enough, could it become truth?

This Adachi I am, is it my true being? Am I really this evil, heartless who killed two people and hurts many other? Who am I really?

"Adachi san, let's go." Someone got me up. I walked where they took me to. And all along I was still thinking. All of these things, all I had done, but I don't even know who I am. Someone put me inside the police car. I saw many people outside. Not only the police, the local citizen also had gathered to see what was this commotion about. I remembered they were talking about many things. Gossiping about others. Talking like they knew everything about that person. But do they know who themselves really are?

The car moved for a while. I knew soon I'll arrive at the police station. What will become of me? I might be punished with death sentence. But strangely, I don't fear anything.

Here in Inaba, the fog has lifted. I can see the dawn breaking, and sun rose from the east. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of it. The warmth rose inside my heart too. Although I don't understand many things, I know what this deeling is. The courage to live on, the courage to find out who I really am. The world embraces a new day. And so do I.


End file.
